How many times are moms vs. dads asked if they will return to work after the baby is born? Are dads ever considered less of a dad if they choose to work outside the home? The reality is that moms feel some big pressures, often from society and themselves. There’s a biological pull to be with the kids, combined with judgment culture, and the pain is exponential. Career or mom life, which one will be sacrificed? It doesn’t have to be that way.
It’s possible for moms to thrive in both career and mom life at the same time.
There’s a special kind of magic that allows moms to thrive in their career and mom life. It’s not without challenges, and some days are straight-up hard. However, it’s worth it. There’s so much growth, discovery, and fulfillment in all the details.
Are you in? Let’s do it together.
I’ll get into all the tricks of how to make it more than work in a bit. First, let’s talk about the harsh truth, the part most people don’t want to admit. I still have doubts and moments that I think it’s too hard. That’s the fear talking. It usually happens during a big stretch, right before a big breakthrough. Then I uplevel… again and again. There would be no substantial progress without the uncomfortable moments. Too much ease is a sign of playing small, below the threshold of full potential. That’s completely fine if you’re satisfied where you are. It’s a choice, and everyone gets to make their own. I choose to grow and find out my full capabilities, even if it means feeling awful sometimes.
Career and Mom Life, Really?
Yes, career and mom life, really. That doesn’t mean it’s 50/50 all the time, and it doesn’t mean it’s consistent. I go through phases. Sometimes I spend way more time and energy on one or the other. That’s okay. There’s somewhat of a flow. If something doesn’t work, I change it.
Say yes only when it’s good.
One of the biggest reasons I’m able to thrive in my career and mom life at the same time is because I curate the career I want. Mom life weighs into the equation. If I lived in the same place and had local support then perhaps I would be more flexible career-wise, but that isn’t my reality. We move frequently and generally arrive not knowing anyone.
My kids and I don’t thrive when we’re apart too much. Before and after-school care or full-day childcare works well for some families. We are not one of those families. It’s a hard no. We tried it (partially), found out it was not for us, and moved forward with something else. That means I do not accept career opportunities that require me to work away from my kids eight plus hours per day five days per week. I don’t have to force it and I don’t.
The opposite is true as well. Working from home to be with the kids may seem like a dream until… there are bodily fluids outside the body and someone running around naked and screaming during a video call. Nothing says professionalism quite like the realities of toddlers with their own agendas. that doesn’t have to be forced, either. If the kids thrive in care outside the home, and the mom thrives in a career outside the home, perfect! Some kids want to go to daycare or before and after school care. Some moms want that time away to focus on their careers so they can be more fully present when reunited. It’s all about what works best for each family.
Use it as a measuring tool.
This part is easier to explain with a personal example. Being a mom helped me discover my career purpose in life. I realized there were some career opportunities that simply were not worth being away from my kid. The drive to do something big was still there, but the specific thing was unclear. However, I for sure knew I didn’t want to continue doing what I was doing. Settling was not an option. The path I was on was not an option. Not doing something was not an option. So I dug deep to discover something that was worth being away from my kid (within moderation and with limits) if that’s what it required. The most magical part is that we didn’t have to be apart. I found a way to live my passion at home with my child.
When deciding to stay on a specific path or not, determine if it is worth it to you. There is no “right” or “wrong” answer. Is this long-term option worth being away for however much time is required? For me, the answer was no. So, I changed the path. I’m so glad I did. It wasn’t easy, but it sure was worth it.
Do what lights you up.
Living well, and helping others to live well, is what lights me up. The clinical setting was never a good fit for me. I work very uniquely, and like to do my own thing. The natural fit has always been entrepreneurship, but I thought I had to follow what culture dictates is a normal path. That 9-5, outside-the-home job is considered normal. It’s not for me. I need thinking time and time to create big, new things. Working for myself is a gift of that flexibility and what I need. It also allows me to choose how much or how little my kids are involved.
Find where career and mom life come together.
In my case, child development is part of my specialization. My kids inspire me. They are woven into everything I do for my business and clients. I apply the lessons I learn as a mother to content that serves others. The benefits flow both ways, too.
I take my career knowledge and apply it to parenting. My research teaches me so many important things that make me a better parent. Together, we become healthier and we grow stronger bonds through my work. Similarly, I write for them and other children. They inspire me, and my words serve them. It’s a special kind of magic where career and mom life thrive. They are far better together than either could ever be alone.
That’s the real magic. It didn’t fall into my lap and I didn’t see it out there to achieve; I created it. Discover what you and your family need, and then find a way to make it happen. Don’t take what’s out there and try to make it work, create your own reality. If you were to dream up a certain dynamic that would be the best option for you and your kids, what would it look like? How can you get closer to that? Next, follow through and do it.
Be (somewhat) realistic.
My life didn’t unfold perfectly overnight. It took time, effort, and a bit of shifting over the years. Actually, it’s still not perfect. We’re still shifting. However, my biggest goals have all been achieved. I am living the life I once dreamed about. Now it’s time to chase some new ones… we never stop growing! Dream big, believe it can and will happen, and know that there will be beautiful challenges along the way because that’s what makes the best journey and life.
Are you looking to shake things up with your career and mom life?
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This blog post is about unnecessary (sacrificing career or mom life being unnecessary). Here are more blog posts related to the word ‘unnecessary’ (but not about career and mom life) from other sites:
Unnecessary Burdens by Sharla Hallett
https://sharlahallett.com/unnecessary-burdens/
Release the Unnecessary Weight and Find Joy As You Run With Jesus by Lisa Crowder
https://lisacrowder.substack.com/p/release-unnecessary-weight-and-find-joy
Unnecessary Guilt by Amy Cobb