There are so many opinions about the best way to start the day, work, parent, and how to thrive at life in general. Should there be a structured morning routine? Is it better to go with the flow when it comes to supporting child development? My psychological assessment is that the truth is somewhere in the middle in most areas of life. I say that with a caveat: do what works best for you.
How to thrive is going to be different for everyone. Also, it may change with different seasons of life. Let’s consider some examples.
When it was just me, it was a lot easier to do life around my own needs. I could set my alarm for the time that worked best for me. Getting ready for the day involved getting myself ready, not supporting anyone else. I could develop a morning routine and follow it without being disturbed.
Also, since no one was relying on me, I could go with the flow. Changing it up each day based on what I felt like doing wouldn’t become a hardship for others. Going with the flow became my default. Sure there was some structure, like my scheduled work times, but other than that I was pretty flowy.
Before I had a family, there were phases of intense dedication to specific goals. During those phases, I woke up each morning and did all the most important things to reach my goals. It worked. Some days I continued with goal-oriented tasks until going to bed. On other days, there was time left over for fun. I thrived.
There were also phases of exploration. I didn’t have big, specific goals. Instead, I was trying to figure out what I wanted. These were phases of flow. Fun was a priority. I said “yes” to all kinds of activities. While there were a lot of fun times, I wasn’t deeply happy or satisfied. I was not thriving.
These examples may seem as though structure equals thriving and flow does not. Don’t be fooled. There’s a lot more to it than that.
Learning how to thrive isn’t as simple as structuring life instead of going with the flow.
Now, as a parent, it is literally my responsibility to care for other people. If I don’t set my alarm for a time that works for them, or plan ahead for their needs, stuff happens. It isn’t pretty. One morning I allowed myself to sleep in and was awakened by a wet toiled brush hitting my face. It had been thrown across the room by a toddler who was using it as a prop while dancing.
A big shift from solo living to life as a parent is that it’s unpredictable. There’s more daily stuff that’s outside of our control. For mothers, especially, there is an inherent drive to put others, our kids, first. Self-sacrifice is a natural drive for mothers to preserve the next generation. However, that doesn’t work in modern society.
Sometimes my kids can satisfy their own needs. There are limits. Those limits change as they learn and grow. Also, they change as I learn, grow, and get creative.
How To Thrive in Motherhood
As a mother, it’s harder for me to fit my needs into daily life, but not impossible. Some of my needs are sleep, healthy food, physical activity, career activities, and time to connect with others. That list simply does not fit in the hours after the kids go to bed and before they get up.
That’s where creativity comes in, and a mix of structure and flow. For example, the need for sleep has elements of both structure and flow. A firm line in our home is that sleep is to be respected. Waking others for no reason is completely unacceptable. When my kids wake up before I do, they know what they are able to do independently and quietly. Now for the flow part…
When my kids were babies my sleep was all flow, and that was welcomed. They needed me to feed them during sleeping hours and I woke up over and over again. It was temporary. I enjoyed it (most of the time).
Now they’re older, and sometimes they still need me. They know they can always wake me up when they’re sick. If they are scared or sad or want to be close, they can climb into bed with me. Sometimes that wakes me up and disrupts my sleep, and that’s okay. I would rather be extra tired the next day than miss out on the opportunity for connection. It works for us. We thrive with this flow because they feel loved and I know those sleepy days are worth it in the big picture.
Part of learning how to thrive is determining what to structure and what to allow to flow.
If I constantly put the needs of my kids above my own we will all suffer. I would lose my health. My goals would not be achieved. They would be witness to the message that maternal needs are not important.
Instead, I try my best to prioritize in ways that benefit all of us. In my current phase, I don’t work out every single day as I have in other phases. About two days per week, on average, become full rest days from working out. I peel myself away from work, even when there’s more to do. That time is devoted to my kids. I drive them to their activities or do whatever is needed for them.
This doesn’t have to be a sacrifice. My body probably appreciates the recovery, as much as I hate to admit it. Stepping away from work tasks brings different experiences, thoughts, and perspectives. I choose to clear my schedule for my kids and for myself. Even when it’s tough, I want to be involved with my kids and their lives.
All areas of life have a better chance to thrive when there is an intentional balance between structure and flow.
Intentional is the important word here. The percentage of flow vs. structure really doesn’t matter. There’s no set formula. I find it helpful to flip into more of a flow state during phases of life unpredictability while holding on to any needed structure. This will not work for every person and every situation.
My best advice is to figure out how to thrive with whatever works best for you. Instead of listening to the hot trend or something that works for someone else, take a deep look at your life and what you want. What will help you bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be? Consider all the variables. You can always adjust as needed.
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This blog post is about flow (how to thrive with structure vs. flow). Here are more blog posts related to the word ‘flow’ (but not about how to thrive with structure vs. flow) from other sites:
The Adventure of Flowing With God by Sharla Hallett
www.sharlahallett.com/the-adventure-of-flowing-with-god/
Stay Liquid: Join the Flow of Living Waters by Lisa Crowder
https://lisacrowder.substack.com/p/stay-liquid-join-the-flow-of-living
Simple Is Better – Finding Spiritual Flow by Dianne Vielhuber
https://simplewordsoffaith.com/2024/05/01/simple-is-better-finding-spiritual-flow