This is not going to be anything like my typical blog posts. It’s going to be raw, real, unpolished, messy, and personal, because that’s what I am right now. More importantly, that’s what I think my people need, what you need, if you choose to read. If you’re ready to grow, read on. If not, come back later, or not, no judgment. It’s hard stuff to take in, and I understand. The luck of an evacuee isn’t always pretty.
There’s so much going through my mind right now. None of it seems neat and orderly, nor should it be under the circumstances. Looks like I sat down to write a blog post and it is quickly turning into three, so stay tuned for more. I’m just going to lay it, casually, as if we were meeting face to face.
Here’s the basic background.
My family and I recently evacuated our home, a perfect apartment in Kyiv, Ukraine. We are, or were (I don’t even know), Americans living overseas. I don’t know if we did live there or if we still live there. That’s because we didn’t move, but we aren’t physically there anymore, and this is the farthest thing imaginable from a vacation.
It’s all just inconceivable. I’m sharing my thoughts and experiences now because a lot of people have questions. We all do. My hope is that by giving you a glimpse into my personal journey you can get some answers you’re craving. Even bigger, I hope my emotional processing will help you through any challenges or transitions you may be facing now or may face in the future. It would make my month if these words could help you reframe a thought, process an emotion, or move forward with whatever you’re facing.
Now, let’s talk about luck.
These are my personal experiences and viewpoints. They are likely very different from those of other evacuees, even other American evacuees from Ukraine.
Luck of an Evacuee – Before Evacuation
We were first told we may be evacuated from Ukraine before the invasion began. At the time, it felt unreal. I was grumpy and didn’t believe we were in any real danger. Surely, we were just unlucky to be in that situation, to possibly be evacuated. It seemed such a small chance that anything bad would happen. Everything was peaceful, as always. It was my home, and I didn’t want to leave. Obviously, I know now how incredibly lucky we are to have been evacuated.
As time passed and evacuation crept closer the danger seemed more likely. Something bad really could happen. We weren’t unlucky to be in that situation. Completely the opposite, we were lucky to get to live in Ukraine, and we were lucky to have the opportunity to leave before we were in danger. The truth is that it wasn’t the change of events that flipped my luck from bad to good; it was my thinking.
There has been a pattern of luck this entire time.
My thoughts and feelings have changed so much since the looming, possible danger became a reality. The worst-case scenario I didn’t believe reasonably possible actually happened. Now my personal luck, and the luck of my family and fellow Americans, is shockingly obvious. Before, however, I am a bit embarrassed to admit that at times I lost focus on the big picture. There were times I let my momentary emotions cloud my thinking.
At times, I got grumpy and felt unlucky, focusing only on the negatives. This is a completely normal thing to happen. It can even be healthy. We need to process emotions instead of covering them up with a sparkly, rainbow band-aid and suppressing them with a fake smile. We can have negative thoughts, feel emotions like anger, and be mentally healthy at the same time. The important part is that we are aware of it so we can adjust. Instead of remaining in self-pity, we can choose to focus on different thoughts and change the way we feel about our situation and life.
Let’s explore some examples of my real-life evacuation experience.
Luck of an Evacuee – The Transition
Evacuation isn’t like any other type of travel. It’s not like a vacation or overseas move. There are added complications. For example, airlines were concerned about the possibility of an attack, so flight patterns were constantly changing. Everything was uncertain. There were some issues booking our flights, and then our flight out of the country got canceled last minute. How unlucky! No, not at all unlucky. We were very lucky because we had some amazing people on our side working hard to overcome all the obstacles. New flights were booked in plenty of time. Lines at the airport were longer than usual but we got through them. We took off. How incredible is that? Our luck was such good luck.
Luck of an Evacuee – Hotel Life
When we got to the US, everything was still peaceful in Ukraine. We were living in a hotel. I was trying to work with two sick and jetlagged kids in that hotel room – not exactly an easy feat. To give you an idea, hotels aren’t child-proofed and the little one was able to open the door and run down the hall all on her own.
Was I unlucky to not have effective containment, or lucky I was able to catch her before she disappeared on the elevator? Unlucky to have a child who caught a bug while traveling and got sick or lucky she was healthy and mobile enough to escape and run fast? Unlucky to have been displaced from my home, or lucky I was trying to keep her in a room of a safe hotel in the US and not keep her away from invading troops in the streets of a country at war?
Thoughts and Emotions
Before the invasion, it was easy to focus on my personal hardships. It served as an automatic, self-protective distraction from something too hard to face all the time. I didn’t want to think about how innocent people in a peaceful country could be in danger, how their freedoms, way of life, and home could be attacked. So, I took breaks from those thoughts. I got annoyed with small inconveniences and took time to feel sorry for myself, to process those thoughts and emotions. Then, I checked back in with what I really thought and felt. I reminded myself how lucky I was and of all the good around me.
Evacuation Schooling
The older kiddo has online classes that begin at 4:30 am (time zones). Due to tight spaces and miscommunications, I may or may not have been caught on camera less than fully clad. Was it bad luck for me to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or is it good lucky she can continue learning from afar during a war (possible war at the time) where her school is located?
A Fire and a Go Bag
When I finally got an opportunity to work uninterrupted, the hotel fire alarm went off. There was, ahem, a bit of frustration. As much as I wanted to stay in the room and work, the noise was so loud I could hear it with all my senses except my ears (they no longer worked). So, I evacuated the building. Thinking someone had just burned their meal I didn’t grab my go bag or anything other than my phone.
A go bag is a bag packed in case of emergency. We were advised to pack one in Ukraine before evacuation to ensure we could quickly grab passports and other important items if needed. It became my carry-on bag and held the most important things for our entire family. Yup, a now-experienced evacuee left this bag in the hotel when the fire alarm was going off.
The fire was real. What about my luck?
Turns out the building was indeed on fire. Smoke billowed from windows. Did I have bad luck to be evacuated twice in a matter of days? Perhaps. Was it unlucky that my go bag was in the building? No, that one was all on me. Was this a horrible sign that my career was going up in flames along with the building since this was my time to work? No, that was my mind taking it too far.
Men in big, red trucks came for the flames. Paramedics treated a man for minor burns. Firefighters exiting the building were coughing. Thankfully, they put the fire out and no one was seriously harmed. Turns out I had good luck to be completely okay and able to return to my hotel room, passports, and other go bag contents completely unharmed. Even if it had all burned, I was lucky for such a strong alarm, to have made it out of the building safely.
I know how lucky I was to have been living in a hotel room with my kids, even when it was hard. The three of us shared a bed. It wasn’t great for my sleep quality, but it felt secure to have them both in my arms with so much uncertainty. My instincts wanted them close. I’m thankful for that hotel experience.
Luck of an Evacuee – On the Move Again
A couple of days after the fire incident, things started to look like we would not be returning to Ukraine anytime soon. We got a rental. Were we unlucky that our evacuation phase was looking more long-term, or lucky to find another place to live?
It wasn’t home, that was on the other side of the world, but I could make it feel homey. After some emotional hesitation of “cheating on my home” I hung new towels on racks, made the beds, and considered it “home enough” while thinking of my towels and sheets back home in Ukraine. Evacuation is so different from typical moves because the things we generally take with us are left behind. Yes, home is where we are together. It’s the people who make it home. We could live in a box, or without a box, and be at home.
They’re just things, but they aren’t just things.
However, there is also an element of our material possessions being part of the equation. We can honor that and still be good people. It’s about familiarity and comfort, memories, and sentimental value. I put on a positive attitude and focus on what is most valuable (the people), but first, I process my feelings of sadness and loss. This is an important step for mental and emotional wellness no matter how insignificant those physical things may be in comparison to human life, health, and wellbeing.
Translation: it wasn’t really about the towels and sheets, but about that feeling of “home” and security that was left behind.
There’s also a symbolism of the physical home and belongings in Ukraine representing something far, far bigger, but that’s a future blog post. The gist is that if my personal belongings are safe, then my apartment is safe. If my apartment is safe, the building, neighbors, city, country, and Ukrainians are safe.
My personal belongings are in Ukraine. Their wellbeing is tied to the wellbeing of the people of Ukraine and their freedom and way of life.
Now, back to the story.
I knew how lucky we were to have found such a great rental. That thought ran through my mind all day while “moving in” as much as we could. Also, I was constantly thinking about the people not as fortunate. My mind was on everyone still in Ukraine. Then my situation changed again.
Flood Luck Follows Me
Long story short, there was a flood. It wasn’t just water. This “mess” involved both bathrooms: two toilets, a shower, a tub, cabinets, floors… you get the idea. There were toilet contents in areas not designated for toilet contents. If you know me well enough you may have to laugh at this one. I faced a flooding issue before moving to Ukraine, while in Ukraine, and now again after Ukraine. I’m like the flood whisperer.
Clearly, this was bad luck, right? I was losing more sleep, dealing with crap (pun intended), and fearing being displaced again. Why was this happening to me? Everything was completely peaceful at home in Ukraine.
Nope, even this sewage issue was good luck. Two wonderful men came to fix the problem. They were amazing, stayed until about midnight, and would have stayed longer but they needed more equipment and the store was closed. They came back the next day and finished the job, having been willing to do things I didn’t want to do. We were so incredibly lucky to have their help, and for it to be fixed. It was also a little hilarious because when we left in the morning, instead of telling my kids to use the bathroom first, I told them to hold it.
Luck of an Evacuee – Triggers
This whole experience hasn’t been without triggers. They have popped up all along the way to challenge me to grow. That’s just the luck of an evacuee.
As I was thinking about how much I wanted to have the flood problem fixed so I could go to bed, one of the men asked if I had some rags for the mess. My mind went to my home in Ukraine. Yup, I had rags there. Nope, not a single rag here. So, I said a quick, silent farewell to the small piece of home (the towels on the racks here) for the sake of the literal fecal matter spreading across the floor. It didn’t matter that they were not salvageable. They were just towels. We were lucky to have bathrooms and to have access to stores with more towels. Don’t worry, I do have towels once more. That’s very good luck. I think of how lucky we are to have a temporary home, clean, warm water, and towels every single time I shower.
Luck of an Evacuee – Home as a Feeling
I’m so lucky to have homes all over the world. There’s this home, my evacuation home. I’m living here now. There are also all the other places I have felt at home, and the places that have shaped who I am today.
There are the actual places I have lived:
- The childhood homes that saw it all for a decade and a half
- A special place in the Adirondaks that tested me to think and see the world differently
- The dorm rooms with the friends that became family
- A home behind a white picket fence that served as an escape whenever I needed it
- A condo I bought as a place of my own
- Midwestern home where I first lived with my husband, where our lives combined
- Desert home where I spent the start of my first baby’s life
- Ocean home where I spent the start of my second baby’s life
- An apartment in the center of Kyiv left too soon
There are the places that were impactful:
- Airport homes that have transported me from home to home
- Hotels in various states and countries where we lived in transition
- Israel where it felt like home as soon as we got off the plane
- Trails through farmland in Germany where I outran my elite running buddy for the first time (to his defense it has only happened twice and there were extenuating circumstances both times)
- A village in Africa where I grew more in a short time than in a lifetime elsewhere
- An island in the Caribbean Sea where I saw hardships unlike any I had ever seen before
- The car that took me from place to place when I wandered more than settled
- Grandparents’ home on a farm that was always the definition of security
- The crisp, wilderness of Alaska that left me wanting more
- The warmth of the Bahamas where I hope to return, and catch more fish than the last time
- A small space, between pencil tip and paper, between keys and screen, where I have poured it all out through writing
- The spreadsheets that became my doctoral dissertation and launched my research career
- A cold, public bathroom floor that became my turning point in recovering from chronic illness
- The landmark in Ukraine where I taught my daughter to ride a bike
- Ukrainian park where I learned the incredible spirit of the people
- Companionship of a friend who drove from a not-so-nearby base for a hug, lunch, and playground date
- Calls and messages from across the world that connect me to people who care
Where is home now?
Now, home is wherever I take my kids. Home is wherever my husband always returns. We are in transition, and we are always lucky to have many homes. We have towels on racks, sheets on beds, and many homes forever in our hearts and minds. Even more, we have each other, the support of family and friends, and the power of our brains and hearts to get through anything. We are lucky with very good luck, with the luck of an evacuee.
If you could use some support processing emotions or navigating thoughts, I’m here. Life can be challenging. You don’t have to do it alone. The initial consult is free. Click here to learn more about how we can work together.
This blog post relates to luck (luck of an evacuee). Here are some more blog posts related to the word “luck” (but not luck of an evacuee) from other sites:
You are Not Lucky You are Blessed by Lisa Granger
https://lisamarcelina.net/you-are-not-lucky-you-are-blessed/
Luck by Dianne Vielhuber
https://simplewordsoffaith.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=10672&action=edit
Was It Luck? By Amy Cobb
https://www.tayloredintent.com/blog/was-it-luck
What Does Luck Have to Do With It? By Lori Shoaf
https://www.lorishoaf.com/inspiringstories/what-does-luck-have-to-do-with-it